Pirates and Wizards
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: After the Final Battle, Harry becomes an Unspeakable to avoid Hermione's nagging. Then he finds a book about the Veil, and decides to try and find what he has lost. How will Harry survive beyond the veil? And how will he get back?
1. Chapter 1

He was a broken man. Everyone who truly cared about him, dead. His supposed friends, no longer had any use for him now that it was all over.

All he had left was his photo album, his old school things, his money and the Deathly Hallows. Perhaps it was irony that those who survived called him the master of Death.

So in an attempt to regain something, anything of what he lost, he became an Unspeakable. His main goal was to discover where the hell the Veil of Death lead.

It was all he had to live for.

"What's this?"

He pulled out a mysterious book that wasn't there before. After four years, he had started to lose hope of finding out the truth.

_**The Veil of Death, as it is called by many, is often mistaken as a pathway to the land of the dead. In truth, this Veil is a gateway to another realm where magic does not rule the land.**_

_**In this realm, the powerful use what is called 'Haki'. Some have speculated that this is actually a form of Reiki, Chakra, or possibly some form of telekinesis. However, as none have found the matching gateway back to this realm, this is only speculation.**_

Harry felt like crying. He had found something! Then he realised there was more.

_**There is rumors that those who die on this side will automatically be sent to this other world via the gateway. It is possible that this is the reason why the gateway is called the Veil of Death. There is no proof that those who die on the other side come here, however.**_

"So it's a one way street?" said Harry. He closed the book, and considered his options.

While this was a huge step forward into his research, he didn't know what to do next. Could he take the chances that this book was telling the truth and go through? Or should he continue to stay in this boring existence, with no real reason to live at all?

No real choice there. Plus there was a chance he could change a few things. George had lost all love of pranks with his twin gone, and Teddy would soon miss his parents.

He would have to prepare though. If anyone knew what he had planned, there was a chance someone would stop him. Like Mrs. Weasly for example.

* * *

"George, I'm going to need your help," said Harry.

George gave him a glance, not really seeing him. He had lost all his luster since Fred died.

"What is it?" he asked tiredly.

"I'm planning a trip. And I want your advice."

"Go bug Hermione."

"I would, but if she knew where I was going, she would try to stop me for sure."

"Oh yeah? Where are you going?" asked George, not really listening.

"To possibly find _Fred_ and Sirius," said Harry calmly, and he waited for George to realize what he had just said.

"That's great, I... What did you say?" George woke up and really looked at Harry.

"I'm going to find Fred and Sirius."

"Harry, listen to yourself. They're gone, remember?"

Harry handed him the book. When George got to the part about souls being sent to this other world, his eyes gained a familiar gleam. One that had been missing for three years.

"Is this for real?"

"What do we have left to lose? We can't keep going on like this. At the rate we're going, we'll be as bad as those who've been Kissed."

"No argument there. So what do you need?"

And so began the plotting. On the off chance Hermione or Ron caught wind of his plans, George was going to set off a series of pranks that would block any attempts to reach the Veil. There was little chance he would get into trouble for it with Hermione or Ron. They had become rather annoying lately since he refused to even leave bed most mornings.

This would get them off his ass for sure.

* * *

Harry was ready to embark on this journey. In his pocket was everything he would need to explore a new world. Camp materials, books on rare languages (mostly dead), translator charm, food, water, wand, several pranks, a bottomless purse that would allow him to access his account directly, and of course on the off chance this really lead to a new world, a two way mirror he could carry. It was the size of a medium hand mirror and George had the other half.

Just in case that didn't work there was a two way journal.

He waited until George set off the first prank in the Atrium. Hermione was on him in a flash.

"George Weasly, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing!"

George made a motion with his hand, and Harry ran. By the time Hermione realize what was going on, he had made it to his department. Ron was too busy upstairs. He had been trapped in a fake spiderweb lacing with a potion to make him stick to the webbing for an hour. (Needless to say he was trying very hard not to cry from fear.)

The room was empty. Harry saw the Veil. The hushed whispering was louder than usual. Like it sensed what he wanted to do. In his right pocket were all three Deathly Hallows. If this wasn't a doorway to another world, then he wanted them far from anyone's reach.

He walked up to the Veil. One deep breath later, and he plunged into the murky depths.

* * *

His eyes beheld a strange sight. A vortex of stars, watery lights and planets flashed by him. (Think Stargate and you'll get the idea.)

A voice reached out to him. And he could hear every word.

**So you finally took your chance, eh? It's about time. I was about to become bored waiting.**

"Who's there?"

**I am Death.**

Harry stared into nothing. He felt a chill go down his spine.

**I am glad you brought those three items. Shall we make a deal, little one?**

"What kind of deal?"

**In exchange for the Hallows, I shall help you in your quest. I will even help you find the other Gate. How does that sound?**

"How do I know you're really Death?"

He felt something grin.

**Good boy. I knew you were a smart one. Shall I give you a demonstration?**

Something white and large approached from the distance. It sounded like wings. His eyes widened.

"_Hed...Hedwig?_" he whispered, though he dare not hope. He had lost his ability to hope when Voldemort finally died.

A soft hoot, and she nuzzled him.

**Now do you believe me? Or is another demonstration in order.**

"I believe you. I never planned to use them again anyway."

Harry took out the Hallows and let them float away. Without warning the wand and stone shattered. The cloak, which had been his all along, burst into flames. He felt a little sad about losing that.

**I know you loved that cloak, and relied on it's power. So in exchange for it, I shall give you the power of invisibility. You and anyone you are touching shall become invisible without fail.**

Harry grinned.

**And...your beloved owl shall be waiting for you on the other side. As well as a familiar face.**

* * *

Harry felt himself falling again. This time he was in the sky!

Below was a large expanse of water. Aside from a small bobbing thing, which Harry really, really hoped was a ship, there was nothing. Even the clouds were missing!

He heard a cry of alarm from below. There was no way he was going to crash into the water from this height!

He reached into his bag and grabbed the first thing he hand felt. He drew it out and nearly cheered!

It was his Firebolt! The innate magic of the broom kicked in a scant two hundred feet from the water. He was barely hanging onto the broom handle.

There were cries of disbelief from the ship. Since he knew he would die from this height, he let go of the broom. He curled up into a small ball as he hit the water. The broom hovered above.

_Accio Firebolt!_ He said mentally.

The broom flew to his hand and vanished. He stared.

**Just another little trick that I gave you, in return for the Hallows. You'll learn a few more powers along the way.**

So his broom was already in his pocket? That was useful to know.

Someone rowed out to meet him. It was a man with red hair and only one arm.

"You alright? You took quite a fall," he asked.

"Lucky I knew how to fly," answered Harry. Once he was on the ship, he noted with surprise the flag.

"Is that...a Jolly Roger?" said Harry when he was on the ship.

"Yup! You're looking at Red Haired Shank's Crew! We're Pirates!" said someone from behind.

"Pirates...?" Harry sounded uncertain, then realized that he had no reason to actually _fear_ them. It seemed to be an occupation.

"You're not one of those people who hate pirates are you?" asked the red haired pirate, who Harry assumed was Shanks.

"Should I?" asked Harry in return.

Shanks grinned.

"Well there are some bad eggs out there, but not us!"

The crew roared in agreement. Harry grinned back. He could get to like this guy.

It wasn't long before he learned most of the crew's names. As he suspected, the red haired man was the captain. Of course he insisted that he call him Shanks.

Harry seemed to fit in with most of the crew.

* * *

Then they made port. Instead of going ashore, Harry volunteered to watch the ship. He hadn't explored the whole thing yet. That seemed to earn him some bonus points with the crew, since it meant that a few more could go on shore leave.

Aside from three people, Harry was completely alone on the ship.

The navigator named Addams, Beckman, the only other person who was even remotely interested in books, and the third was a mystery. Shanks had mentioned offhand about another person on the ship with flaming red hair and a dead expression, but Harry had gotten so swept up in remembering the names that he had put it aside.

Time to meet the mystery red head. He usually acted as lookout in exchange for everyone leaving him alone about his past.

And he was up there now. Harry could hear the snoring.

He climbed up carefully, and when he saw the face of the lookout, nearly fell from the mast. It was Fred!

He carefully went down to where the sail was, and decided to test the mirror.

George's face popped up. He looked like hell.

"Harry?"

"It's me. I made it through with a minor bump."

His face split open into a grin. George was starting to look like himself again.

"What's it like?"

"Pirate seems to be a common occupation, aside from their rivals the marines. I ended up falling into the bloody ocean and narrowly had my neck saved by a ship. Oh, and the captain has red hair."

George grinned wider.

"Hermione and Ron seem to have figured out what I did, and they are pissed. Fortunately they are having difficulty hexing me for it."

The lookout's voice drifted from above.

"_Five more minutes George..."_

George's eyes widened.

"Did I forget to mention that I found the idiot? Care to help me wake him up? Or would you rather watch?"

"Watch. As for waking him up..." George's eyes gained a familiar glint that Harry missed, "I recommend Mum's voice."

Harry had the evillest smirk on his face as he climbed back up. Once he was sure he had Molly Weasly's voice down pat, he did a perfect imitation of her screech.

"_Fred Weasly! Get up this moment! We're going to be late for the train!"_

Harry could hear George's laughter, but that was nothing compared to how Fred reacted.

He couldn't have shot up faster if Harry had dumped ice water on him. His eyes went wide as he stared into Harry's emerald eyes. Harry of course was laughing his ass off.

"Long time no see, Gred!" he managed.

"Harry?"

Fred heard his twins voice and saw the mirror.

"George?"

"Surprised to see me? I came looking for ya!" said Harry. He opened the mirror fully and the twins saw each other for the first time in four years.

* * *

Shanks was surprised that Harry had managed to pull off what even he had failed repeatedly. He had gotten Fred to open up. And to laugh.

"How the hell did you do it?" asked Shanks in a whine. He had taken it upon himself to get the only other red head on board to talk to him.

Harry's smirk did not bode well for him.

"I imitated his mother's shriek to wake his lazy ass up," said Harry.

"You what?"

He grinned wider. Fred had an idea of what he was about to do.

"_Fred Weasly, I have told you not to set off bombs in the bathroom!"_

"Oi! I never set off a bomb in the bathroom! Sent you a toilet seat when you were sick, yes, but I never blew one up!" said Fred in his defense.

"There's first time for everything, Gred," smirked Harry.

"You sent someone a toilet seat when they were sick?" asked Shanks in disbelief.

"It was confiscated before I could see it," said Harry.

Shanks started to shake, then he started laughing. It wasn't long before others were laughing too. Fred grinned.

"And you should see some of the stuff he comes up with when he's with George!"

"Who's George? You're boyfriend?" asked Shanks.

Harry cracked up at the look on Fred's face.

"HE'S MY TWIN, YOU IDIOT!"roared Fred. He took out his wand and hexed Shanks hair pink.

Harry laughed even harder.

"If you mentioned the Terror Twins, everyone knew you were talking about Fred and George," said Harry when he could breathe.

They decided to have a party for the hell of it. Since Harry had managed to get Fred to open up and actually grin, they decided to let him join the crew. Fred had already joined as the main lookout.

* * *

Fred and Harry kept watch. Between the two of them, they covered all the bases. Besides, it gave Harry an excuse to let the twins talk.

It was a week after Harry joined up that he wondered if they could add another mirror. That way George and Fred could talk all the time.

There was only one problem. He had no way to get the mirror past the veil. According to George, people had noticed he had gone missing and were looking for him.

Hermione and Ron knew George was in on it, so they pestered him every day for information. Even his mother had joined in.

He ended up falling asleep before he could find a solution.

**Hello boya. Having fun?**

"Death?"

**I see you found the first key.**

"Key?"

**In order to pass freely between worlds, you must find seven people that you knew in your original world. Only then will I allow you to find the other gate.**

"So if the first one is Fred..."

**You have to find what you lost in order to return. Simple as that.**

"Is there any way to transport items between the worlds without the gate?"

**Yes. I'll give the boy the circle he needs to send what you want. It will automatically appear before you.**

Harry smiled.

"Thank you."

* * *

Fred watched with baited breath as the circle appeared beneath their feet. From it came several items. He quickly copied it down to use later. He had some beer he wanted to split with George some time.

Harry had other plans for the crew's alcohol ration. Something he knew the twins would _love._

"_WHERE'S THE RUM?"_ was the general outcry. Someone had gone down to binge in peace, and found that their rum supply had mysteriously vanished.

Fred raised an eyebrow when he saw Harry trying not to laugh.

"Let me check," said Harry, offering to 'investigate' this mysterious occurrence.

Five minutes later he reappeared to a worried audience.

"There's rum. Someone must have drunk the rest of it though. There's only fifty kegs of it left."

A relieved sigh was heard. Someone wanted booze _now._

"Why not have a drinking contest?" suggest Fred.

They were very close to port anyway, so the crew met this with approval. It wasn't long before they realized their mistake. Fred and Harry were drinking at a sedated pace...though Fred didn't know what Harry did with the rum.

"What did you do? Spike the rum with a potion? Cause this taste is rather familiar..." asked Fred.

Harry smirked evilly.

"That's because it isn't rum. And there's no potions involved."

It took Fred a moment to realize the implications of this. Then his eyes widened.

"You didn't..."

"George was all too willing to help. Besides, he's getting Percy drunk to celebrate his second child on the way."

"Congrats to the prat. Boy or girl?"

"Boy. His first was a little girl."

Fred sipped his drink, then waited for the show to begin. It wouldn't be long before Harry's joke took effect. Not with the way this crew drank.

"ARGH!"

Shanks watched in shock and then noted the only two who weren't bursting into flame. They were laughing too hard.

"What did you do?"

"Swapped the rum out with something stronger," snickered Harry.

"What is this stuff? My throat is burning!" said Shanks, gasping for air.

"Firewhiskey. If you drink to much you get set on fire. You'll wake up with nothing more than a really bad hangover tho'," said Fred with a grin.

The entire deck was full of drunk pirates. Several had their clothes burned off completely.

"Some people shouldn't drink firewhiskey," said Harry, shaking his head.

"Agreed. Nice prank though," said Fred, smirking.

Shanks was among those who had their clothes burned off. By the time they realized this fact, they would be near port.

* * *

George answered the mirror with a groan.

"I hate you right now."

"I never told you to drink it all at once, did I?" retorted Harry.

Fred laughed at his twin's predicament and left him to suffer in peace.


	2. Chapter 2

Four months. That was how long Harry had been in this strange world. In those four months he had learned a great deal about it.

For starters, they didn't have magic (to his delight) or potions. Instead they had what was known as Devil Fruits, which while giving the person who eats them amazing (and often odd) powers, stole their ability to swim. From what he heard about the problem, it seemed that whenever someone touched water in sufficient quantities, they would cramp up. It reminded him of what happened to people who ate too much before swimming.

Harry wondered if he could find a way to help the people who ate Devil Fruits. If the problem was that they cramped up when they got into anything larger than a small pond, then perhaps he could try and find something to fix that, if only for small periods.

Shanks had mentioned that if he could find a way to fix that problem he would willing eat a Devil Fruit.

* * *

The crew was bored. And that wasn't a good thing in Harry's mind. A bored crew reminded him painfully of bored twins. And that was never a good sign.

He spotted a strange blip in the distance.

"Fred, could you hand me that telescope? I think I see something."

"Hmm? Sure."

Harry looked through the lens, and then said "What do we do if there is a ship with a large sail that reads '_Marines_'?"

"What?"

Fred looked through the lens and grinned.

"Time for some fun. Good thing there's only one this time."

He got a small bell out and started ringing it. Shanks had given it to him when he realized Fred just couldn't speak while on lookout duty. It also served as a good warning, since everyone could heard the raucous clang of the bells even when asleep!

The crew sprang up in a flash. Boredom had been creeping up on them steadily for days now. They needed some action.

"Marines on the starboard bow! Only one ship though!" Fred called.

The crew cheered loudly. Even Shanks was grinning.

"What's so great about a Marine ship?"

"These idiots are wanted men. So whenever one pops up we can kill boredom by fighting. Besides, the Marines are obligated to fight us on sight."

"You're a wanted...?"

"Hell no. I'm only a lookout. I haven't left this ship except for the times Shanks dragged my ass off it."

"George was the same way. Hermione kept getting onto both of us because we wouldn't get up in the morning."

"What did you do to shut her up?"

"I took a job as an Unspeakable and researched the Veil. It shut her up. So she actually got onto George to come up with pranks."

"Yeah...I can understand that. You would think marrying Ronnikins would loosen her up."

The Marines were almost on them. Fred had wondered how Harry would fight, until he saw the fan in his hand.

"A fan, really?"

"In the East, courtesans would uses razor sharp fans to kill people. Besides, it's easier to explain a fan than a dagger in our department."

Fred nodded, and pulled out a sword. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"It was either that or a gun. And frankly no one wanted to trust someone who could barely talk to others with a gun," shrugged Fred.

"Understandable."

The marine ship came across broadside. It wasn't long before several of the pirates and marines swung across to the other ship. Unlike the other pirates, Fred stayed put in the lookout. Shanks had come up with the brilliant idea of having him make sure that reinforcements didn't come up in the middle of a battle.

(It had happened before, and half the crew nearly got killed because the lookout didn't think to warn them.)

Fred had no problem with it, since he was still getting used to actually using a sword properly. (Shanks had only given it to him for protection. Because of his antisocial nature at the time, he had never used it before.)

Harry on the other hand...

Marines fell in droves when they charged at him. He had mastered his fan attack a long time ago, when he joined the Department of Mysteries. Between him and Shanks, there were hardly any marines would could pose a threat.

Finally the only marine with a real rank yelled for a retreat. The pirates and marines both ran back to their respective boats. Though a few marines didn't make it back in time.

"You weren't bad out there, Harry," said Shanks.

"You weren't bad yourself," replied the green eyed man.

"What style was that?" asked Yassop.

"Hell if I know. I only learned how to use it to attack and defend without cutting myself," said Harry.

* * *

Harry felt his mirror vibrate. He opened it expecting to see George (who was the only one who knew about the mirror he had) and instead came face to face with another Weasly entirely.

"Crap."

"What's up?"

"_George get off the mirror!"_ yelled Ron. Until he realized that George was still pinned by Hermione who was yelling at him.

"_Fred?"_

"Oh, that crap. Hello Ronnikins, miss me?"

The mirror's view seemed to change rapidly. Ron had dropped it.

"It can't be! You..."

Hermione's rant paused when she realized what Ron had said.

"Fred?"

Harry was a bit surprised.

"George, didn't you tell them about that book? I mean it was safe to say they wouldn't be able to find me after four months," asked Harry.

"Like they would let me get a word in edgewise!" yelled George.

Harry snickered.

"Oh how I have _not_ missed this. The endless ranting, the tag teaming, the never ending nagging. Hermione, you really need to loosen up," said Harry.

"Harry James Potter! Where the hell are you and why is Fred with you?" she shrieked.

"For starters, I'm _fine_ and secondly I could care less about answering that. I deserve a vacation dammit, and I'm taking one."

He closed the mirror before she could shriek again.

"So what now?"

"Now we learn to screen our calls. Once Hermione figures out the signal we'll never hear the end of her ranting."

"And let's not forget dear ol' Mum," winced Fred.

Harry winced as well. They were definitely in for it once Hermione got the right mirrors.

* * *

They made port, and this time Harry and Fred joined in. Shanks decided to have fun with them and pushed them both to the Red Light District.

"You two spend too much time together! You need to get laid!" he declared.

"Like you don't, you crusty red haired idiot?" retorted Harry.

Shanks smirked and kept pushing them. Harry had learned a long time ago that when someone like the twins wanted you to go somewhere, resistance was futile.

Of course that was nothing to what Harry and Fred did in return. By the time they left the brothel, Shanks was red in the face.

Fred and Harry had tag teamed against him. Between the two of them, they had completely embarrassed Shanks. Not by doing anything really mean, like telling embarrassing secrets or the like...but by _flirting._

The girls in the brothel had thought it hilarious. It didn't help that Harry and Fred were rather handsome men in their own right.

"Now why did you two do that?" whined Shanks.

"Why not? Besides, I'm not that interested in females to begin with," smirked Harry.

"And I would rather hang out with my twin brother," retorted Fred.

Shanks looked at them in dismay. Then his face lit up.

"So you're gay Harry?"

"More like I have a cynical view towards women."

"Did you ever marry Ginny?" asked Fred.

"Nope. Once those love potions Dumbledore used to slip me wore off, I lost interest. Apparently she was in on it the entire time," said Harry.

"So you switched to men?"

"I'm not the only one. Narcissa found out Pansy was slipping Draco potions in his drink, and she made her son only drink water for a month. After that their engagement was canceled and Pansy went after Blaise Zabini."

"I thought he was already gay?" asked Fred.

"He's dating Theodore Nott."

Shanks watched this all with interest.

"What are love potions?"

They paused.

"Love potions are illegal because they force someone to develop fake feelings for another. The longer they're left unused, the stronger they become. Anyone caught using them is sure to lose any chances with that person," said Harry in a no nonsense tone.

The two stared at him.

"What? After having to carry a bezoar in my mouth for three months straight, I happen to be considered a master at those stupid things. Particularly when the wrong dosage is used," said Harry in his defense.

That had been a horrific year. After Voldemort died every unmarried girl in Europe seemed to find their way to his doorstep. He had to screen everything he came into contact with. After being poisoned by an ill-made amoretia laced pumpkin pasty, he had to carry around a bezoar with him.

In less than a month he became a renowned expert on love potions and how to counter them. Needless to say if Snape hadn't died from Voldemort, he would have died again from shock.

Harry's bank account swelled from the book sales. It seemed young wizard men and their mothers/fathers had been experiencing problems with over eager girls. The fact that it was Harry Potter who wrote the book (and he had the sense to add an index, unlike the other books on the subject) only made it sound more authentic.

After all, the Savior of the Wizarding World should know his subjects very well, shouldn't he?

* * *

Harry managed to get some books to read while on lookout duty. Shanks of course got back at him by slipping some dirty ones into the stack.

(Harry would find them later and then give Shanks bright yellow hair and repeatedly make dumb blonde jokes. Fred would join in on the fun.)

While he was at the port, he saw someone that looked very familiar. Her bright pink hair looked so out of place it was a miracle that the pirates weren't making cat calls. And beside her was anther familiar face.

Harry grinned.

"Oi! Moony! Get your furry butt over here!" Harry called out. Fred saw where he was looking and joined in.

"Come on Moony, let's prank some Slytherins for old times sake!" called Fred.

Moony and Tonks nearly jumped when their heard that name. They turned and when they saw the two their jaws dropped.

"Pup? Fred?"

"Hello old man," snickered Harry.

"What are you two doing here?" asked Tonks.

"Shore leave. We'll be around for another two days, so everyone has a turn. Or until a Marine ship shows up, in which case we'll have to leave early."

"Pup?"

"Harry, are you and Fred with Shank's crew?" asked Tonks. She absolutely loved pirates. They were the worst tippers, but they were a lot of fun. And she worked part time at the bar.

"We're the look outs."

Tonks grinned.

"Pup, what are you doing here? This is for the dead."

"Actually, people who die in our world come here for a second chance. The Veil was just a gate to here. Besides, there was nothing left for me on the other side."

"Hermione and Ron only made it worse. Her harping and his persistent following? I would have done the same thing if George had ended here," said Fred.

Remus wasn't too happy about the fact that Harry was there, but he knew he would get over it.

"Hey...if you're here, then is there a chance my parents and Sirius are here too?" said Harry out of the blue.

Remus was stunned. He hadn't considered that.

"You know Shanks probably would love having you two on board. As far as he knows, you ate the Wolf Wolf Fruit and Harry has made headway into his research concerning it."

"Wolf Wolf Fruit?" asked Remus.

"There are a few Devil Fruits that turn someone into animals. I'm sure there's a Wolf Wolf fruit somewhere," shrugged Fred.

Harry snickered...then he looked thoughtful.

"Hey, do you think if Remus ate that kind of fruit, he could gain control of Moony?"

* * *

"Alright men, we have two new recruits!" said Shanks with a grin. He loved Moony and got plenty of laughs from Tonks. Of course Tonks was officially off limits since she was married to Remus.

Remus had gotten off to a perfect start with the crew by allowing Moony to growl at anyone who tried to make a move on his wife. Once it became clear she was married to him, they never went any further than harmless flirting. The only person to even try anything with Tonks ended up hanging from the mainsail butt naked and with bright pink hair. After that, no one wanted to test Remus.

Shanks of course thought his revenge was great fun.

"I swear...that captain reminds me of Sirius and James all the time. Only with the Weasly hair," complained Remus.

(Tonks was asleep with the crew, who were delighted that she could hold her own in a drinking contest.)

Harry decided not to tell him that Shanks was right below and that he could hear every word.

"So does that mean you like guys Moony?" asked Fred with a grin.

Remus choked on his drink.

"NO!"

"Though I have to admit, Shanks isn't a bad looking bloke if you're into that," said Harry with a straight face.

(Harry idly looked below and saw the man's face almost match his hair color.)

"Come on Moony, admit it! You're bi!" snickered Fred.

"Happily married to a woman who would probably hex me bald if I tried!" Remus reminded them loudly.

Fred jibed him before he turned his sights to Harry. He gulped.

"So Harry...found anyone yet?"

"Not a chance. With my luck, the first time I go on a date the Marines would attack or I'd get kidnapped," snorted Harry.

"True, true. In that case, next time we hit port..." said Fred. Remus caught on and grinned evilly.

"We are getting you laid!" they said together.

"You too Remus?"

Shanks smirked below. If he played his cards right, he would get the green eyed devil. Harry had pranked him often enough. Mostly harmless stuff that wore off in two days.

But he wanted to get back at him, even if it was a bit of fun. Time for Harry to be pranked.

* * *

Remus and Fred dragged Harry to the Red Light District. Harry didn't offer any resistance. That alone should have tipped them off. The place was an hour's walk from the ship, since there were rumors of marines nearby.

By the time they reached the brothel, they realized something was off with Harry. Suddenly his form shifted into a very happy Tonks!

"He was right! It was worth pretending to be him!" she laughed.

"But...if you're here, then where's Harry?" asked Fred in shock. Remus was shaking his head in disbelief.

"I should have known something was up when you changed your hair color to a sedate black..."

She smirked at him.

"Well since we're here, let's party!"

"What?" said the two in shock.

"Oh come on Remus, don't tell me you've never considered a threesome with a busty blond!" laughed Tonks, "Besides, Harry promised to pay for it all when we get back!"

The two looked at her, then at each other.

"Well if _Harry's_ paying..." grinned Fred.

They would later be dragged back to the ship by Beckman, who was not happy. It was bad enough that he had to drag the others back.

"Honestly...I had hoped you three wouldn't join in on this ridiculous madness."

Remus at least helped him by carrying Tonks. She was completely drunk.

"Where's Shanks?" asked Remus. He was trying not to slur his words.

"He actually voted to stay behind. I decided to count my blessings on the matter," said Beckman.

Remus knew something had happened, but he couldn't say what.

* * *

Harry was lightly dozing in the lookouts nest when he heard someone come up. Spotting the red hair, he assumed it was Fred. It wasn't until he remembered that Fred was off with Tonks and Remus that he jolted up.

He searched for his glasses and finally found them. There was just one problem. Someone had them.

"Darn. I was hoping to put your hand in the water before you woke up."

Harry squinted at him.

"Shanks?"

"The same."

"You do know that trick never works right? At most you would spill the water."

"Really?"

"I tried it once on a friend with a snoring problem (Ron)."

"What happened? He wake up and clock ya?"

"Nope. Slept through the entire thing and assumed Fred and George were behind his wet bed."

Shanks laughed.

They ended up talking long into the night. Harry felt completely relaxed. It was like being with the twins, only he was somewhat more mature.

When the crew returned, Harry noted that Fred and Remus headed straight to bed. He grinned.

"Looks like paying for their night out was worth it."

"Why would you do a fool thing like that? Pirates are known to drink three times the normal amount," said Shanks.

"Because if I wanted to get laid, then I would do it myself. I hate being forced into something," said Harry annoyed.

Shanks grinned, and they watched the stars together.


End file.
